My Not-So Annus Horribilis

Sometimes, being alone with your thoughts is one of the best things you can do.

Up until today, you could not possibly convince me that 2017 was not total trash, or as Kingsley said, it was “disastrous and negative.”

I hated it – absolutely hated it. I was even ready to refer to it as my “annus horribilis,” however, I didn’t want to say that while I was still in 2017 since I read that there was many a case where someone said that and then jinxed themselves into making their year even worst. Being the slightly superstitious person I am, I refused to even type this post until I was out of the dark tunnel that was 2017.

Honestly, the year was truly a mess, and one of the hottest messes I’ve ever experienced and it will go down in infamy as one of the most stressful, dramatic, traumatic and just downright saddest years in my life. From losing my dog to two of my friends, as well as my grandmother, I’m really only mentioning part of the iceberg that rocked the Titanic-destined ship called “SS LOREN’S LIFE.” HOWEVER, I didn’t end up going insane in 2017, and that in itself is a blessing. In fact, despite the numerous setbacks and obstacles that me and my friends faced this year, I can say that something did shine a bright light on the dark shadows that casted over 2017, and that is our relationship with God.

Now, as someone with a Caribbean upbringing, it’s not too surprising that I grew up in the church. However, I drifted. For a number of years, I prayed only on a Sunday, and only in church. That, for me, is bad – especially seeing as my parents raised me to pray every day and night, where I distinctly remember a young Loren would end saying “God bless [inserts the name of every family member, friend, teacher and any other person I could remember].” I probably spent about 10 minutes every night just listing names because I wanted God to know exactly who I was talking about.

Up until the summer of 2017, this would always be the case: I only prayed on a Sunday, or when I really felt like I was in some trouble. Yet, I knew better, my God isn’t the kind of God who you can only talk to once a week or when you need something, he likes regular conversations – which at the time, I was not great at. The passing of a friend of mine, gave me and my friends the push we needed to make these talks with God a more serious and more regular thing, and I’m pretty proud to say I read my Bible every day now, I pray every day and I try to write in my prayer book as much as I can (I’ve never been great at writing consistently, as you guys probably realised by now).

I’ve been through quite a bit this year, but me bettering my relationship with God made it easier. I’m not afraid of what life can possibly throw at me anymore and I’m sure not stressing about things I cannot change nor control. At the beginning of the year, I thought that the worst tests I’d have to endure in 2017 were my A Level exams, but what I realised was that the entire year was a test and considering that I left 2017 with a heart full of love and forgiveness, and some of the best relationships I’ve ever had under my belt, I like to think I passed it.

So, this is my ode to 2017: the craziest year I’ve lived thus far. I used to wish I could forget everything that occurred, but I now hope that I’ll always remember it. 2017 will now be my source of motivation to make 2018 one of my best years, and in the words of Diddy:

“My biggest strength? My belief in God. My biggest weakness? Fried chicken.” – Sean Combs

Finally, to you all who are reading this, I wish you an absolutely amazing year, full of blessings and of course, loads of peace, love and happiness, cause that’s all I’m striving for in 2018.

xox

the pink cheebra

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