Hey loves! This post today is really close to my heart. If you don’t know, I’m a very happy person, or at least I try to be. But anyway, finding happiness is not the simplest thing on the planet & trust me, I know. My happiness is something that I have been on the hunt for since forever.
I’ve always loved the idea of being happy and it was the ideal thing for me. So ideal that I remember when I was younger and the teacher was asking all of us what we wanted to be when we were older. Obviously, she was talking about what kind of career we wanted to have, however, little Loren was a bit oblivious to that, or perhaps she was just too “woke” for her age. That smart mouth girl responded to the question saying, “I want to be happy.”
Now, I’m not sure if I meant for it to be a joke or not, but I do remember that everyone laughed. Even if my younger self did mean it as a joke, I still stand by it. When I get older, I do want to be happy because I believe that your happiness is more important than any material thing. You may or may not agree with that, but that’s something that I have always thought would be the best reminder of what path I should follow: happiness comes first.
Before I actually get into the inner workings of what I really wrote this post about, I wanted to talk about the name. The Pursuit of Happiness: the name of my favourite Kid Cudi song and the name of my favourite Will and Jaden Smith movie, but they spell it Happyness for the movie (you’d understand if you watched it). Some time ago, I found it very ironic that firstly, I downloaded the song, and then perhaps a week later I watched the movie, only to be informed later that a group of people from my church youth group would be on a panel discussing the topic Turn Down For What: The Relentless Pursuit of Happiness.
Do you see the common factor?
It’s the pursuit of happiness, something that has happened to pop up a number of times and has resulted in me putting my entire life into perspective. I had to sit down and ask myself whether I was happy or not, and if not, did I want to be? Basically, you cannot be on the pursuit of happiness if you don’t want to be happy, because who pursues something they don’t even want? I don’t know if you’re into that, but I’m not.
Anyway, being on this panel meant I had to answer questions, the three I specifically remember are:
- Would you rather happiness or joy in your life?
- In today’s society, do you think happiness is superficial or genuine?
- Do you say that you are happy to mask what it is you truly feel? If so, why?
So it was a requirement that I already had my answer written before I went on the panel, but I only have one answer on hand as I type this and that is for the last question, it reads: “Yes, I do. Primarily because it almost has a placebo effect. You constantly say you are happy, thus, to a certain extent, you end up believing it. But at the end of the day, as I’ve learnt, you realise that in the grand scheme of things, you’re lying to others & most importantly, yourself; and that never works out.”
At the time, when I wrote that, I was going through a state of total confusion. I wasn’t even sure if I was happy writing that, but I knew I was honest and that was the important part.
I remember I had been really upset that a situation I was in, was not working out the way I wished it would, at the beginning, I lied to myself and said that I was fine and that I was super happy, then things developed further. I thought that the situation was finally leaning into my favour, things were going my way and I was happy again!
Well, actually no, I wasn’t. I was still lying to myself about my happiness, the painful thing about it though is that whereas in the beginning, I knew I was lying to myself, now I didn’t. I had become so consumed in the thought that you must compromise yourself in order to get happiness that I didn’t even realise that I wasn’t actually happy at all. I wasn’t happy with the situation. I wasn’t happy with how I felt and I wasn’t happy with myself.
It wasn’t until I got out of the situation that I started understanding what my happiness is and what I required in order to be happy; and I give you this long epistle as a prologue just to say that I’m sure all of us have lied to ourselves and others about being happy. That’s life. It’s our defence mechanism and sometimes it’s our comfort. But what I realised is that the pursuit of happiness, requires risks.
So, if your sitting there, reading this and you don’t think you’re happy, its time to change something, take a risk. The pursuit of happiness is all about leaving the comfort zone you’re in, because you can’t really pursue something if you stand in the same place the whole time.
Now, after such a situation, am I happy?
I can honestly say I’ve been the happiest that I’ve been in a long time now. I’m surrounded by love and support, but even beyond that, I know my worth, I also know not to settle for less than what I deserve because then my happiness will only be a memory.
However, this doesn’t mean that I’m totally off the pursuit of happiness. As my mother always reminds me when I tell her I’m going through a middle-age crisis: I’m not even middle-aged yet! So the pursuit, though it may take a while, is well on it’s way to being a success and I can certainly say that I’m not going to stop until it is a complete success.
And that’s all for now folks!
Peace, love & happiness
the pink cheebra